Getting over my fear…of public speaking

It seems like every few years I get frustrated with myself. I get unmotivated, doubt myself, question every decision I make, or can’t get excited about anything. It used to such a difficult time to go through because I just didn’t know how to snap out of it.

As I got older, I realize that feeling is a sign of me going through a change. It may be external from my environment or people around me changing. Or internal, maybe I’ve just learned or experienced something new. What was once exciting may seem boring, and even people you once thought you liked are getting to you now.

Most of the time change is necessary. It is how we grow and become the person we want to be, or meant to be. Remember the last time you hated doing something…for me, it was public speaking. When I was in Taiwan, I had very little problem speaking in public. I enjoyed telling stories in front of my class, acting in school plays. Then when I moved to the United States, learning a new language made me very self conscious about making mistakes. I didn’t want to be called on, I dreaded going to speech class. Eventually it affected even my social skills at parties. I was so insecure and shy that I’ve let a lot of good opportunies slip by, times when I know I have a good idea or something interesting to add to the conversation but didn’t.

I struggled with this for many years, even now I still get sweaty palms and dry mouth just from the anticipation. The turning point came when I started to push myself to pretend I was a very socially comfortable person. I would make myself join in a conversation, learning to ask open ended questions and read other’s reactions when I’m talking. Slowly over time, I was able to change how I reacted to those scary situations.

Now, I never said I was cured. I still feel the butterflies, palms still get sweaty. I now just remind myself the last time I kicked myself for not speaking up, and find that “not-so-shy” girl again within me. Take a deep breath, gather my thoughts, and off I go being social and confident in the crowd. Maybe the fear will never go away, but at least I know I haven’t missed out on anything because I chose to.

Rediscover Yourself

For the last few years I really thought I got myself all figured out. I have a great job doing what I love, a happy marriage that’s full of love and support, and have all the energy in the world to come up with new ideas and goals for myself. I felt more confident than ever about who I am, and the last thing I wanted was for anything to change.

Not that change was bad, but I like change on my terms, when I’m ready. That’s really just wishful thinking from a control freak, because no matter how prepared you are, you can’t plan your life exactly how you imagine it to be. You can come close, but the universe around you is full of surprises. And truthfully, that’s a good thing. That is how you learn and grow, from those unexpected events that forces you to push yourself a little more.

And the biggest push I got recently was finding out that my world will never be the same again…My husband of 5 years and I found out we’re expecting a baby!

As I mentioned, I’m a control freak, a planner. And the news of the baby was both exciting and terrifying. My business woman, do-it-all identity now seemed much less significant. I’m now a mom. My job is to make a little human being…one that will surprise me everyday for the rest of my life.

Honestly, I was not ready for this change, who is really. I guess with so much going on, I was still hanging on to my youth, taking advantage of my high energy level. I didn’t have any close friends with babies, I had no idea how being pregnant changes the body. I found out soon enough that eating and sleeping became my top priority. I couldn’t help it. The body took over and I had to give in and fuel it with healthy food, and rest when a couch or bed was near by. Business woman? me? no…I don’t have time for that! I have to plan my next meal, I’ve got a baby to feed!

People say a baby changes your life. I didn’t believe them, thinking I can do it all. I know I still can when my energy is back, but honestly…I am enjoying my new job. I look forward to having a big bowl of blueberries and yogurt with walnut sprinkles (all good food for mommy and baby) I enjoy relaxing and doing my prenatal yoga, knowing each breath I take I’m bringing oxygen for the baby. I’m coming up with new ideas on how to teach my child to eat healthy, a potentially marketable idea. I’m learning to slow down and not try to do everything myself. I have found more balance in my life that I’ve never had before.

I’m sure I’ll be discovering more things about myself in the coming months, and continue to as the baby grow up. I will always have that business side of me that will want to design a new baby line. I’ll always plan and make lists of a million things I want or need to do. But now I know sometimes the best thing in life aren’t planned. They just happen, and it is a miracle when they do.

I hope when you least expected, you’ll have a chance to rediscover yourself too. A new relationship, a different career path, moving to a new place to start a life, whatever it may be, enjoy the ride to becoming who you really are.

Be true your heart

I recently watched an Oprah interview with author Elizabeth Gilbert of the best seller “Eat Pray Love” and was compelled to pick up a copy of the book for myself. The book is a memoir of her journey through Italy, India, and Indonesia in search of, ultimately, her true self. She’s a career woman in her early 30’s who’s always lived her life the way most of us think is “normal”…go to school, graduate from college, get a job, get married, have children. She says yes to most things in her life to not “make waves” or let anyone else down. The book begins when she reached a point in her life, where being true to her heart meant more than everything in her life she’s worked so hard for. So she bravely took steps to find what out what really feeds her heart and soul, to find what will bring her true happiness.

I had the opportunity to do some soul searching and self discovery while my husband and I took some time off to celebrated our 5-year wedding anniversary. Everyday we laid by the pool for a few hours with our books, and were accompanied by the warm sunshine and sometimes laughters of the kids playing in the pool. I decided to bring along Eat Pray Love and find out for myself why so many people love this book. It didn’t take long before I was traveling along with Elizabeth on her journey. Her honesty and humor drew me in, and I was only interrupted by reflections on my own life. At times I felt tears welled up in my eyes, other times I bursted out laughing.

The one concept that made a huge impression was that it’s ok to not have an answer to what you need or want in your life. It’s ok to say I don’t know. She said “you’ll know when you are ready”.

If you are like me, the fear of the “unknown” can difficult to cope with at times. I’ve always been a planner, list maker, always well prepared. But there comes a time when no matter how much education you’ve had, jobs you’ve worked, you still don’t have the tools you need to face some of life’s biggest decisions, such as your career path and your relationships. Those decisions are made from the heart. And sometimes it gets overwhelming or confusing because there’s no text book answers for them. It was very comforting to learn that it is ok to take your time, because it turns out, your heart has the answer all along. You only need to be patient as it reveals itself. And if you don’t see it or feel it clearly, it only means that you’re not ready. Now isn’t that a relief!

So do listen to your heart, every whisper, every shout. Because those instincts are right, and only being true to your heart will bring you the pure joy we all long for.

p.s. For my teenage readers, please know that the book is not intended for younger readers. If you are under 18, I would recommend your mom or older siblings the book, and share their take on it with you.

Open your heart, open your mind.

When RubyLove first started, I knew in my heart that it would turn into something more than just a t-shirt company. And in the last few months, the support and love from all of you has proved to me I’m definitely on the right track to making a difference in someone’s life. And as I like to say “one t-shirt at a time”.

So when the time came for a new entry, I was inspired to write about how I learned to live my life by having an open heart and open mind.

Growing up, I didn’t get to spend a lot of time with my parents. They had to stay in Taiwan in order to support my sister and I in getting our education in America. I became extremely shy in a foreign land. And not understanding the language made it difficult to build close friendships. So I learned at a young age, that action does speak louder than words. With a big smile and a positive attitude, I tried to help someone out whenever I can. In return, I earned their trust, and was able to slowly break the language barrier. And as I learned to speak English, the trust I’ve built carried over too. My friends began to open up to me when they felt sad or troubled. They too became the support group I relied on during hard times when my parents weren’t able to offer their guidance.

And two key elements in having a trusting bond is Honesty and Respect, that that’s really true for any relationship you have. It takes a lot for someone to allow themselves to be vulnerable and share their inner thoughts with you. So it was important for to be respectful of that and treat them the same way. I have found that sometimes I get embarrassed to say what’s on my mind, but when I am able to open up to a trusted friend, you began to see things from a new perspective simply by verbalizing it and explaining it in way that someone else can understand your true feelings. Then, if that friend offers advice based on their life experiences, you just might reach a new solution you weren’t able to get to before.

With RubyLove and this blog, I try to let you know that the idea originated from a good place with love for people and our earth. I begin to open up about my experiences in hopes to inspire or bring comfort to someone. The same way that I’ve done for friends in my life, I hope to do the same for my “customers” who I care about as my friends.

I have learned over the years that when you open your heart to someone else, you are inviting yourself into a new world of new possibilities. Honesty will lead the way, and positive energy will follow.

Sometimes you just need to cry…

Do you have those days too, when you just need to cry? Maybe something awful or sad happened that you can’t help those tears from coming out? Or maybe you can’t even pin point what’s bothering you, but crying would just feel better. When I feel that way, I would say to my husband “I feel fragile, I think I need to cry.” So he tries to help me by flipping the tv channel to find a sad movie, which I only end up laughing at his attempts to be supportive. (I think making me laugh was his goal all along.)

I love my life, and I’m always up for a big challenge. But when something goes wrong, especially things out of my control, it really brings me down. I’m passionate about RubyLove because it’s an extension of myself. And making something that can make someone else happy is the best stress reliever. This past few weeks I was faced with problems with problems with the ink fading on a batch of shirts I sold, and this week the website not working. And on top of that, getting over a bad case of the flu, and a misunderstanding with a loved one…I have reached that point where it was necessary for me to cry before I can take care of all of those issues.

For me, crying isn’t a sign of weakness, it is a form of release. I think it’s healthy to cry sometimes as long as you don’t dwell on the sadness or hopeless feeling. For me, I know after I cry about it, I’ll feel better and then I can move on and start to face the issues. I know taking a long walk, a hot bath, or have some creamy soup also gives me the comfort and relaxation I need to push the reset button in my head. But…sometimes, a good cry really does the trick.

The important thing is to allow yourself to feel and release those stress and worries in whichever way feels right for you. And once you let it out, feel renewed to tackle whatever is in your way. Talking to a friend always helps. And if they offer a shoulder to cry on, I say take them up on it.

I hope you’re having a better day than I am. I’ve cried. I’ve shared. And now I’m back to face whatever comes my way with a positive attitude and smile.

A Helping Hand

When we help others, we are really helping ourselves. When I was a little girl, I would roll up my sleeves and help my mom do the dishes and clean the house. When I saw how happy she was, it really made me feel happy too. And it encouraged me to help out even more.

As I got older, I learned that there are so many ways we can help others that also brought me that good feeling in my heart. For example, being good listener. Sometimes people don’t need you to solve their problems for them, they just need to vent. By listening well, you are helping them clear their minds. And sometimes, you learn something about yourself too in the process.

I recently did some volunteer work where we helped to build homes for families desparately in need of shelter. I wasn’t very handy with the building part of the process, but I was able to use my artistic skills to paint the walls, and a sign with the family’s name on it. And of course, I helped to clean up, and set up a cozy living space inside. The gratitude from the family we helped was overwhelming, and I gained a new appreciation for having a home to return to.

Helping someone doesn’t have to take a lot of your time or energy. A simple smile to someone is powerful enough to brighten their day. Especially if you are not feeling so great yourself (and we all have those days, but trust that it’s only temporary) When you can recognize the troubling feeling you have, but make the effort to reach out to someone else, you’ll soon discover that your act of kindness will help you feel better again. It really works, every time.

So if you are feeling great today, keep smiling and show someone you care about them. And if you are not having the best day, take a deep breath, smile, and go out and help somebody. I promise you’ll feel better very soon.

Finding Strength

Everything happens for a reason. We say that a lot, but sometimes the “reason” is not clear to us until a later time. We can only face whatever is happening that causes us pain, anger, or frustration the best we can, with what we know now.

Recently I experienced a loss that caught me by surprise, a loss that I wasn’t sure if I’d ever recover from. For a day or two, I just allowed myself to let things sink in. I cried. I questioned why things turned out the way they did. I knew there was nothing I could do to change the situation, except to find the strength to move forward. And hope with time, the sadness will be lifted.

My family and friends were my support group. Their words of encouragement was comforting, but it was still up to me to see the situation from a different light. I took some time to find those positives, I believed that everything does happen for a reason. I believed that in time, those reasons will present themselves, and my sadness and pain will eventually go away. And before I knew it, just as the loss that caught me by surprise, the reasons appeared.

I felt a surge of strength from my heart, and the weight lifted off my shoulders. I understood as bad as I felt days before, I now have found the strength in me to move on. It’ll take some time for me to feel like my old self again, but then…I am not the same anymore, I am stronger.

The memories of my loss will always be there, but I will see it from a different, more positive perspective…one that has changed me forever.