Getting over my fear…of public speaking

It seems like every few years I get frustrated with myself. I get unmotivated, doubt myself, question every decision I make, or can’t get excited about anything. It used to such a difficult time to go through because I just didn’t know how to snap out of it.

As I got older, I realize that feeling is a sign of me going through a change. It may be external from my environment or people around me changing. Or internal, maybe I’ve just learned or experienced something new. What was once exciting may seem boring, and even people you once thought you liked are getting to you now.

Most of the time change is necessary. It is how we grow and become the person we want to be, or meant to be. Remember the last time you hated doing something…for me, it was public speaking. When I was in Taiwan, I had very little problem speaking in public. I enjoyed telling stories in front of my class, acting in school plays. Then when I moved to the United States, learning a new language made me very self conscious about making mistakes. I didn’t want to be called on, I dreaded going to speech class. Eventually it affected even my social skills at parties. I was so insecure and shy that I’ve let a lot of good opportunies slip by, times when I know I have a good idea or something interesting to add to the conversation but didn’t.

I struggled with this for many years, even now I still get sweaty palms and dry mouth just from the anticipation. The turning point came when I started to push myself to pretend I was a very socially comfortable person. I would make myself join in a conversation, learning to ask open ended questions and read other’s reactions when I’m talking. Slowly over time, I was able to change how I reacted to those scary situations.

Now, I never said I was cured. I still feel the butterflies, palms still get sweaty. I now just remind myself the last time I kicked myself for not speaking up, and find that “not-so-shy” girl again within me. Take a deep breath, gather my thoughts, and off I go being social and confident in the crowd. Maybe the fear will never go away, but at least I know I haven’t missed out on anything because I chose to.